A Kievan’s reply to the war commissar about his notification


Here is one of the notifications, with obscene commentary. 

In literary circles, на хуй is usually, for propriety’s sake, written на х–.

The columnist leaves the letter-writer anonymous, for obvious reasons, and thus gives us the point of view that any one of the thousands of men aged 25 to 60 might have, who have been given their notification. The jail time prescribed for draft-evasion is five years.  On January 24, 2015, the Ukrainian Defense Ministry revealed that 7,500 were facing criminal charges. The author might be one of them — if they caught him. –tr.

Article under the name of Ivan Karogodin

Published in ANNA News October 6, 2014

February 18, 2015

Translated from Russian by Tom Winter

I’m just an ordinary Kievan. No draft dodger, and I’m no fan of Putin. A call has come from the War Commissariat. Here is a simple question for the president of Ukraine: 

Why should I go to war? 

Have we declared war? 


Are we at war with Russia?


Are we in an undeclared war with Russia? But then, why are Poroshenko and Putin shaking hands? That is, between the two, all is super, but I, I should sort out it with the separatists, about who gets to come back home, and who doesn’t? 

Maybe it’s a civil war? But then, why is there no declaration? Why no state of war? No state of emergency? Is it because then the IMF wouldn’t give any loans? 

Well screw this! What is it to me if the loans come in or not? 90% of them will just go to cover the interest on loans already taken. As far as I’m concerned, screw it! Maybe they’ll use the loans to buy natural gas? No. Meaning my family is going to freeze this winter while I have to go fight? 

And by the by: they’re not even giving me a war-card attesting that I’m a participant in war related activities. Why? Because the “ATO” (Anti Terrorist Operation) doesn’t qualify as a war. Well why then are they going to be shooting at me? And if it’s no war, then why not fight it with your police!? What reason is there for me to fight? For Poroshenko?

Well screw him, that fucking tycoon. And Turchinov, and Yatsenyuk, and Klichko, and their cronies and the bureaucrats. 

Well then, for Donbass and Lugansk? Already 100 times over, they all say that more than half of them are against Ukraine.

And what if we beat them? So we can rebuild everything there at government expense, meaning on my expense?

You blamed fools wouldn’t go… Is there even one fucking MP fighting in the Donbass? No. Why not, you bitch? You’re a patriot, aren’t you? So why then should I have to die in the east? So, War Commissariat, GFY! Shove my draft notice up your a– and split! Or, better yet, go there yourselves, if it’s so damn necessary. 

Catch me if you can, corporal!

P.S. Furthermore, where are those thousand Hrynias per day, that Porky promised — promised, by God, from the rostrum! And the million in life insurance? Where? Where? In short, nowhere.

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