It’s Putin’s devilish cloak-tank!


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 Satire in German by Florian Schaar

Published December 29 in Allgemeine Morgenpost Rundschau

Satire in German by Florian Schaar

February 3, 2015

Translated from German by Tom Winter 

The world has long puzzled over how Putin has managed to invade Ukraine without us being able to find any credible satellite photos, tire tracks, or tank tracks in the fields, or spent shell casings, or bodies of Russian soldiers. But one whistleblower (ein Wistleblower!—tr) from the Russian internal secret service (FSB) has now unveiled the weapons of the arsenal of dread from Putin’s Chamber of Terror.

The point of the spear for aggressive war against the peaceful democratic neighboring country is the hypermodern Cloaktank. This tank is achieved through a modern technology — still unknown in the west — and is completely invisible, silent, and, through its still not fully understood aircushion propulsion, leaves no tracks on the ground.

An essential factor is that it is not made of steel, instead it is completely manufactured in diamond-hard carbon. Thus if the tank is destroyed, it automatically gets transformed by chain chemical reaction: the carbon unites with oxygen from the air and the whole thing turns into CO2. Result: the tank disappears into thin air. 

The Ukrainian Army has reportedly managed to destroy an entire convoy of these tanks. Logically, the convoy’s destruction left no trace.

There still remains one problem with this newfangled tank: it cannot get through an ordinary wire fence, even when the fence is built months later. It therefore must find a space-time-continuum hole in the fence. The Russian experts acknowledge that this is still a problem in cloaking technology.

As if that weren’t enough, the devious Russian engineers have developed a special BuK rocket. In contrast to all previous types, it makes no noise, leaves no visible contrail, and explodes in silence. Characteristic of a standard BuK is that the shrapnel from the explosion — at up to 20 times the speed of sound — engulf the target with flame from the heat of friction. The special advanced development of the 9K40 BuK-M2 (internal classification 9K45 BuK-M2X; NATO code name SA-33 — Silent Polar Bear) emits special cooling bodies (for cold explosion) that compensate for the heat of friction, and so counter the enflaming of the targeted object. The effect is as if the shot-down object were holed by machine gun fire.

This also explains the faked satellite picture that the Russians put into circulation, alledgedly showing a Ukrainian fighter jet that shot down Malaysian Airlines flight MH 17. In sum, all Putin’s perfidy and backstabbing is revealed. He tries, with these overtly criminal, yet refined methods, to put the blame on Ukraine for his own aggression.

As it becomes more and more clear, that the USA, with all their backwardness, cannot keep abreast of advanced Russian technology, the world is wondering, How can we ever stop these Russians?

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