Nemtsov Report: A Short Guide

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 May 12, 2015

Nemtsov Report—A short guide

By Eva Merkurieva

Translated from Russian by J.Hawk

1. The Dignity Revolution temporarily weakened Ukraine, and
treacherous Putin pounced.

2. Crimea’s reunification with Russia meant that treacherous
Putin’s approval rating skyrocketed.

3. Treacherous Putin is a TV star. It’s a catastrophe.

4. The Russian media mentioned the Right Sector more often
than the United Russia party. And the Communist Party of Russia and the Liberal
Democratic Party are complete losers. (Conclusion: Russian parties are
nauseatingly boring—they don’t burn tires, don’t burn people, nothing to write
about or to film!)

5. Treacherous Putin treacherously made the theme of the
Great Patriotic War the most important one in his own system of moral values.

6. 2015 saw the treacherous introduction of a new tradition—the
wearing of St. George’s Ribbons and the slogan “I remember, I take pride!”

7. The soulful Soviet holiday of May 9 treacherously became
a Russian national holiday.

8. The honest new Ukrainian government is for some reason
considered Banderite and fascist.

9. Russia is now busy doing the same thing it was doing in
1941-1945: fighting fascism. That’s treachery.

10. The new treacherous meaning of the St. George’s Ribbon:
it is worn by the supporters of separating Crimea and Donbass from Ukraine and
by the enemies of Banderites.

11. Makarevich was treacherously harassed for his concert in
the lair womb of the liberators of Slavyansk. People befuddled by
Kremlin propaganda think these defenders of democracy are actually murderers.

12. Russian media covers the Donbass conflict very
treacherously. Journalists Steshin and Kots are quietly telling the
Komsomolskaya Pravda readers that which central TV channels pass over in
silence. LifeNews is behaving in a similarly treacherous fashion.

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13. Solovyov has a house in Italy, yes.

14. (A quick retelling of the film “Crimea. The Path to the
Motherland.” The treachery of Putin and the film crew is self-evident.)

15. Evidence of presence of regular Russian Army units on the
Donbass: a compilation of SBU interrogations of Pskov, Ivanovo, Kostroma
paratroopers, Kantemirovka tankers, Altay armored policemen, and also Buryats
and DPR fighters. Unimpeachable proof from Vkontakte and Youtube.

16. They say that the volunteer-mercenary salaries increased
to 240 thousand. So says a reliable source. An exact quote: “They say it’s more
now! They say so!”

17. Kadyrov was not in Ukraine, but Kadyrov’s men were. It’s
no accident there is an East Battalion. An unimpeachable photo of Putin with
Kadyrov. They are both conspiratorially smiling.

18. Voentorg has been working, is working, and will be
working. Although  malevolent military
analysts keep saying equipment is either captured or bought from the UAF.

19. The Malaysian Boeing was shot down by the separatists
under Russian military control. Unimpeachable proof provided by the “F*****-up
Torez” website.

20. The separatists blew the Volnavakha bus to bits with
Grad rockets, even though everyone knows about the landmine. So what? We need
to earn our grant money.

21. The mass graves are not evidence of punitive battalion
atrocities, but of the separatists. OSCE thinks otherwise? So what? We need to
earn our grant money.

22. Ukrainian refugees are only costing us money.

23. Crimea is only costing us money.

24. Crimea is the reason we don’t have prosciutto and Polish
apples.

25. Crimean retirees are drawing their pensions at the
expense of Russian retirees.

26. Crimean powerplants will be built at Russian expense.

27. If only Russia supported the Maidan, we’d be living in a
different, free, and democratic country.

28. It’s all the fault of treacherous Putin.

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