Russia’s Week in Humor for May 29, 2015

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There are no former KGB colonels

Russia’s Week in Humor for May 29, 2015


By J.Hawk



“Where’s everyone”–Poroshenko was confusedly clutching his ipone.
“Evil Russian aggressors opened the border!” –Yatsenyuk answered.
“Are we the only two left in Ukraine?”
“What do you mean, two? I’m calling from Rostov.”

Meanwhile in Moscow

Barack Obama–Early Years

How did you sleep today?
Like a baby!

Cried half the night and crapped your diaper twice?

-Moskals, shame, bitches, monsters, mongoloruskies, I hate you

-What, you need a gas discount?

-Yes

Why were we developing so poorly before? Because we didn’t have sanctions!

One hour after Putin sends the Russian Army into Ukraine

“Good morning dear viewers. Today Russian once again invaded Ukraine.”

Be a real man! Grow a beard and get yourself a normal pet!

Petya, I found your briefcase with money.

Thank you! Where is it?
Go to the basement.

GRU Spetsnaz is deploying to Ukraine

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At the rate things are going, they’ll soon write that John Kennedy was shot in 1963 by an 11-year-old pioneer named Volodya Putin.

Europeans, Karl!
I would like to explain this especially to the Russians: We are an agrarian country and we don’t need factories, especially since they pollute and we are for ecology because we are genetic Europeans and not Asians.

Russia is supplying Donbass with silver bullets, garlic, and other lethal weapons!

                                US scientists searching for oil
 

Ukraine is Europe! Europe, Karl!

Potapych here, taking Obama’s last photo

More sanctions, please? They are very tasty!

We’ve been stealing from these idiots for 23 years, and they still think it’s the Russians’ fault

To Charlie (verb): to hypocritically weep for scum and provocateurs, while demonstratively ignoring monstrous crimes committed by your ideological allies.

You raised their utility payments?

Yes

And lowered pensions?

Yes

And sent them to slaughter?

Yes

And how did they react?
They are yelling “Damn Russians!”

They awarded visa-free travel to Vanuatu. Vanuatu, Karl!

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