Russia’s Week in Humor for May 22, 2015

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May 22, 2015

Russia’s Week in Humor

 By J.Hawk

This is the second edition of the Russia Week in Humor feature.

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“…anti-aircraft gun…anti-aircraft gun…anti-aircraft gun…anti-aircraft gun…”

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“Many specialists say that our people are living better now”

“Petro, somehow we’re not feeling that here”

“That’s because you are not specialists!”

Defender of Human Rights

“A defender of human rights is an individual whose opinion always coincides with that of US and British foreign policy establishment.”

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“My son went out to buy potatoes, but the military grabbed him and sent him off to war and he has not returned. What should I do?”

“I don’t know, maybe make dumplings instead?”

 

“Give us money”

“Give us weapons

“Give us a discount”

“Bitches, at least give us an admin!”

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“Karl, Ukrainians created a Facebook boycott group on Facebook. On Facebook, Karl!”

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“Ukrainians are so hard-core that they managed to get themselves encircled even on Facebook.”

Fresh photo-ukro-victories

“Ukraine in the EU: Expectations–Reality”

Putin’s even here

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“The Lavrov-Kerry act on partitioning Ukraine”

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“Ukraine issued a new map of Europe”

[The names of countries are actually words for “treason” or “betrayal” in each country’s language.]

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“Separatist Russian hockey players attacked peaceful US figure skaters six times. This can be no longer tolerated!!!”

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“Russian defeat of the US team violates Minsk Agreements.”

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“Look, look, Sergey! Your hockey guys are playing some real losers!!!”

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“Neighbor took his axe and went out to chop down a maple tree.”

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“The communist past — that’s 2/3 of Ukraine’s current territory. Purify yourselves completely.”

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“Seryoga, who’s that fatso sniffing around our IP address?”

Dumplings for Nuland

 “They are both sitting on toilets right now. What’s good for a Russian is lethal for an American.”

Ha!

“Until the Ukrainians toppled the dictator Yanukovych, the whole world had no idea Russia wanted to attack Europe while Ukraine was defending it all this time.”

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“Auschwitz was liberated by Ukrainians from Ukrainian camp guards who abused Ukrainian prisoners who liked it just fine.” 

[A reference to an article last week in Ukrainian media by someone claiming he enjoyed living in a concentration camp. Most likely a former guard who claims to have been a prisoner.]

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“Chopped a window into Europe.” “Connected to European sewage system.”

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“I believe in Ukraine! If all inhabitants of Ukraine roll up their sleeves and work, in 15-20 years they’ll live like under Yanukovych!”

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“Year 2020. Ukraine finally attains its natural borders.”

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“Announcement. A highly experienced opthalmologist will render quality assistance to OSCE observers.”

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“I’ll buy OUN-UPA or Galizien Division graffiti from the Reichstag. Will pay a lot! Maximum retweet!”

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“Once Ukraine replaces all of its officials, police, military with foreigners, there will be only one detail to attend to. To replace the eternally dissatisfied population.”

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April 5, 1242. Lake Chudskoye. Russia declines to join the EU.”

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“I want everything Soviet to vanish!” “…as you wish…”

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“The only country in the world which interferes in US domestic affairs all over the world.”

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“Every time I look, I think, what does that hat remind me of…”

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“Ukraine under US protection”

We’re waiting…

“Ukraine is moving toward the primeval social system. Deindustrialization, feudalism–those stages are already behind them. We’re waiting for slavery and mammoth hunts.”

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“Surely the burning tires in front of the Rada will convince the EU that Ukraine is ready to join it?”

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