June 4th, 2015
Joaquin Flores & Ollie Richardson
This morning in Kiev, Poroshenko delivered his annual address to the Rada. It had been accurately forecasted what he would say. This is for the sole reason that he was bound to claim certain necessary things, irrespective of the facts.
The following are the main points of his speech, and our working through the double speak and ‘if by whiskey’isms would be quite fun, if not so reflective of something so very tragic.
“I will invent new words and phrases as to avoid validating reality”
• Ukrainian army is now 250,000 in total, and that there are 50,000 UA fighters in the Donbass ATO zone.
FR: This was the claimed size of the Ukrainian army at the start of the war over a year ago. That soldiers were moved around from the front and rotated towards Odessa seems to indicate that of these 250,000, only about 50,000 are in any shape to be deployed.
• We created the best army on the continent. Against us are fighting Russian troops, not miners & tractorists.
FR: This statement seems to have been made to mitigate the previous statements by Ukraine’s own Minister of Defense, who agrees with international experts, that it is the NAF that is perhaps the best army on the continent.
“Recall that recently the former Deputy Defense Minister Leonid Polyakov in a general broadcast on channel 112, said that the army of the People’s Republic of Donbass is one of the best armies in Europe, and according to some characteristics, it is altogether superior to them all, especially in the systems of salvo fire.”
• In the east, we stopped the mightiest army of the continent.
FR: Few rational people would say say ‘stopped’, most would say they decided to stop defeating you for reasons of international diplomacy and their own strategic plans.
• The whole world is with us.
FR: Yes, that map of the ‘international community’ of Western Europe and the A5+I (Anglo 5 plus Israel) which excludes 6/7ths of the world’s people.
• The minister of immigration fired. The blame for failure to secure visa-free regime with EU is on him.
FR: Remarkable leadership is displayed here, to blame subordinates for things they had nothing to do with. We are reminded of Yatsenjuk blaming the treasurer for the devaluation of the Hryvnia.
• For the first time, we are no longer on the Russian gas needle.
FR: Perhaps Poroshenko is referring to Ukraine’s inability to pay its debts, which is sort of like burning the wheat fields and then declaring that one has overcome all questions of grain production. In a sense, it’s quite true. “If by whiskey …”
• The Rada elections of 2014 were the best in our history, the most democratic.
FR: In the western or bourgeois sense of the word, this again is quite true. It resulted in a government least interested in the needs of the people and the most committed to privatization and war – hence, most democratic. “If by whiskey …”
• New Prosecutor General is more effective than his predecessors.
FR: If by ‘more effective’ he means those most committed to being ineffective, then yes. “If by whiskey …”
• People have stopped being ashamed of corruption.
FR: Instead, they are mourning the deaths of loved ones and worried about conscription, utilities, and the next meal.
• The essence of deregulation: the fewer there are rules, the less there is corruption.
FR: Legalize theft, and the the number of prosecutable thieves magically drops to zero.
• Ukr Meat and Ukr Salo are being used by dishonest officials for personal enrichment.
FR: Probably true! But surely we are to believe that this is very much unlike every other industry in Ukraine today.
• We won’t privatize the defense industry, but does the state need 14 horse breeding farms it can’t privatise.
FR: We should expect the privatization of the defense industry to be completed by mid fall.
• In response to my struggle against them, oligarchs are firing at me with information Grads.
FR: It can be hard to maintain support from billionaires not connected to the arms industry when the course of the government seems committed to destruction of the consumer base.
• Decentralization is not federalisation.
FR: And centralization is not, um, something. Yeah.
• An authoritarian Ukraine will lose West’s support and become Russia’s victim.
FR: Also partly true, and genuinely reflects much of the stagecraft.
• I did not institute State-Of-War because I realized how much of a shock it would be to people.
FR: Yes, it’s the words that will shock everyone – and it has nothing to do with the IMF’s rules about lending to a country at war, or to the legal framework of an anti-terrorist campaign vs. more overt and irrefutable recognition of belligerents and representative parties.
• People should not notice how their utility payments increase.
FR: Yes, and they shouldn’t notice the destruction of the economy or their lives either. The best way not to notice utility payment increases is to camping for the next few years.
• Russian troop concentration at border +50% vs last year.
FR: Perhaps Yarosh’s promises to take the war into Russia, or the ‘random’ shells that fell on Rostov last year can explain a small part of this.
• There are grounds to say that we have passed the worst of the economic crisis.
FR: It may very well be true that one cannot get worse than totally collapsed.
• Ukraine has avoided default.
FR: If by default you mean calling it odious debt ™, then one has avoided calling a default a default, but has still defaulted. Continuity of obligations is one of the principles of international law – a country’s elites cannot ‘coup themselves’ out of these obligations – and still expect to borrow.
• Ukraine to decentralize power this fall.
FR: That’s one way to sweep the implosion of the country’s unitary institutions under the rug of Minsk II. Which regions will now start to be called Galicia?
• Ukraine is not ready for NATO membership referendum.
FR: Ukraine already had that referendum – it’s NATO that has to-date rebuked Ukraine.
• I can’t exclude changes in government.
FR: Changes in government may exclude Poroshenko.
• Let’s stop feeding everyone speeches about free healthcare.
FR: Yes, and let’s stop feeding everyone, period, all together.
• I consider residents of Donbass to be captive Ukrainian citizens.
FR: But the residents of Donbass do not
• One of the goals for 2016 is to secure visa-free regime.
FR: Get ready to fire the next minster of immigration, then
• David defeated a much stronger opponent. It will be the same with Ukraine.
FR: Yes, and Moses parted the red sea and Ezekiel went off in a spaceship!
• When considering membership in NATO, Moscow’s opinion will not be considered.
FR: NATO’s reasons for not wanting Ukraine have everything to do with Moscow’s ‘opinion
• 2016 will be the year of English language. Officials to be required to speak English.
FR: That was also 2014 and 2015
RT: “The President of Ukraine Petro Poroshenko will give his annual address to the Ukrainian parliament, the Verkhovna Rada, on Thursday, June 4. Poroshenko, who became Ukrainian’s president in May 2014, is delivering his speech to parliamentary members elected in October 2014. Poroshenko will address the structural reforms of the Ukrainian economy, the state of the armed forces and will discuss the conflict in the east of the country.”