Russia’s Week in Humor for July 10, 2015


“What was that?” “A Boeing.”

July 10, 2015

Russia’s Week in Humor for July 10, 2015

Translated from Russian by J.Hawk

 “Russia could take over a small European country using only its monuments.”

 “Your strategic imagination is limited–Kiev, Lvov…Why don’t you just write that Russian tanks will break through to the English Channel in three days and reach Lisbon.”

“An aggressor is anyone who attacks a country before the US does.”–Czech President Milos Zeman

“Drivers, watch out! Wild pedestrians in the streets!”
This is Russia, it’s like that

 “What would you do if Klichko threw a grenade at you?”
“I’d pull the pin and throw it back.”

 “–Come up to the blackboard, Vova. Show us Crimea. Where is it?
–It’s in Russia, Marivanna.
–Incorrect. Sit down, Putin. F.
–We’ll see about that…

Barack Obama’s typical morning:
Checked email

Checked Merkel’s email

Checked Hollande’s email

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 Ukraine is becoming safer. Now one can safely smoke not only near the gas pipeline, but even inside the gas pipeline.

Wikileaks for Children:
There is no Santa!
Storks don’t bring babies!
Sweetened condensed milk doesn’t make the butt glue itself shut!

 What is the EU? When a German goes to a bordello, a Pole cleans up after him, and a Ukrainian picks up his wife after work.

“Senya, we’re out of coal!”
“Use the hryvnia, it’s cheaper!”

 When you argue with a Ukrainian, keep in mind he has a very limited keyboard
“Putin”, “Moskal”, “Treason,” “La-la-la,” “Colorado Beetle,” “You are all Putin’s slaves,” Victory,” “PTN-GFY”

“You must return to the past and prevent Putin from becoming president!”
“Seryoga, here’s another one!”

A cleaning lady is washing a nuclear bomb.
No big deal, this is Russia.

“Good morning! We’d like to talk to you about democracy…”

 “Hey, kid! Did they leave yet?”

 “The US banned racial segregation only 51 years ago. The Soviet man was flying into space, and they were arguing whether the dark-skinned people are human or not.”

Good news:
Before we carried them off to work in Germany
Now they are so deeply in debt, they’ll work for us for free–at home!

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