Russia’s Week in Humor for 1 August 2015


1 August 2015
Russia’s Week in Humor for 1 August 2015

Translated from Russian by J.Hawk


–Biting, Petr Alekseyevich?


Surkov: “I haven’t been watching comedies or horror films for over a year…I read Ukrainian news instead.” 

 “Those are Russian bullet holes”

 German psychiatrists have shown that every third Ukrainian media employee is as screwed up in the head as the other two.

 Stalin was very intolerant.
He did not respect German views on the future of the Soviet people.

 What do you think is down there at the bottom?
Damn you, you damn Russians!

 Dear Ukrainians! Next week’s Russian invasion schedule can be downloaded after sending only 9.99 hryvnya to the account number 1234056789

Where can we order the schedule for the Baltics?

 Putin: We’re sending another relief column to the Donbass.
Poroshenko: Could you send one to Ukraie too?
Putin: To Ukraine we’re sending the Fifth Column.

 Russia is a threat to Ukraine’s security
Russian TV is a threat to Ukraine’s security
Gerard Depardieu is a threat to Ukraine’s security

 Any news from the so-called Ukraine should be prefaced with words
“Contrary to all common sense”

 Ukraine on its way to join the EU

 Say, Chubais, you sure those are nanotechnologies?

 I think I’m on to something

You f****d us over, didn’t you?

 If Russia ever actually invades Ukraine

 The list of FSB agents in Ukraine

 Good morning. This is Captain Putin speaking, and today we’re flying to conduct negotiations with our foreign partners.

 Hmm, maybe I should have a referendum in Alaska?

 US troops evacuating seized Iraqi nuclear weapons

 US spy satellites think this tram in Kaliningrad is a Topol-M road-mobile ICBM

 The EU is taking us…

…for idiots.

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