Recent Russian joke

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Reported in French by Philippe ARNOT

in Boulevard Voltaire, October 10, 2015

October 11, 2015

Translated by Tom Winter

There’s been a good one circulating in the social networks along the shores of the Volga. The setting is a few years after the passing of Obama. Of course, the Good Lord immediately invited him to paradise. How could he not? Hadn’t got the Nobel Prize right after being elected president? Didn’t he save Social Security? Didn’t he reconcile his country with Cuba? Finally, after deploring all the shootings, didn’t he do his best to be done with the Second Amendment that gives the right to every citizen to carry guns? All in all, Obama was a saint. Plainly. 

So now he passes his happy days up on high. But happiness, when prolonged, gets to be a bit of a bore, and Obama was no exception to this rule. So one day he decided to take a big step, and go down to do the tour of New York. 

The plan was set: he would go to the Bronx, on Webster Avenue. When he got there, he chose to check out one of the restaurants, ordinary ones like thousands of other bistros in the US. At a table, there’s an elderly couple: The man and the woman are each chomping on a large cheeseburger. He goes up to them and calls for a beer. 

“Oh, Mr. President! What brings you here? What a pleasure to see you again,” the couple say, practically in chorus.

“It’s nice of you to say that. Well — I’m back to see what’s happened since I left you. I’m afraid that maybe American customs have gotten a lot worse than they were, and there are lots and lots more shootings, yes?”

“Oh no. Can you imagine! They’ve utterly suppressed the NRA,” replied the woman. “And all the Americans, just like in Australia, have had to turn in their guns to the authorities. You should see how placid things are now, even at night.”

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“And the police? Are they still brutalizing the blacks?”

“Oh, all that is over and done with. Equality has at last become a genuine democratic principle,” says the man, who happens to be brown.

“And the Islamic terrorism that was getting worse and worse when God called me to him?”

“The what? Oh that! That’s ancient history, Mr. President. Been eradicated,” assures the old woman, who used to live in fear for her life.

“And the United States is still the major power in the world?”

“Of course! How could you doubt it? We’re still first in economy and we’ve got military bases on every continent now. Pardon my telling you this, but we are even more proud than we were in your day!” the man and woman confirm, though a little embarrassed.

So Obama, satisfied with his short tour, and very reassured, thinks about getting back to paradise. On his way, he asks the bartender:

“What do I owe you for the beer?

The bartender, a tall blue-eyed blond replies: “One Ruble.”

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