(Satire) Germany to supply Ferguson insurgents in the US with weapons

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Satire by Alexander Schaar
Allgemeine Morgenpost Rundschau
August 22, 2015

October 1, 2015
Translated from German by Tom Winter
Translator’s note: I like satire: just change a few words, and this could be your newspaper, or some pages in the Congressional Record. Satire actually helps one realize what is going on.


The Federal government of Germany wants to supply weapons to insurgents in the US.


“The red line has been crossed!” With these words, a visibly frayed Foreign Minister Steinmeier appeared this morning before the press. “With the murder of yet another black activist, the Obama regime once again shows its ugly head!”. Background: On August 09, the totally unarmed black civil rights activists Michael Brown was shot by police. Now on August 19, another black activist in St. Louis, not far from Ferguson, has been shot in cold blood by white policemen.

“The world can not continue to stand idly by,” Steinmeier stressed at the press conference. “Here are peaceful human rights activists protesting against heavily armed police in a profoundly racist apartheid regime.”

Therefore, the point now been reached, “in which Germany, too, must take responsibility for the oppressed peoples of the world,” said Steinmeier.

As several media have unanimously reported, the government is now considering supplying arms to the rebels. 

Next comes consideration what to supply in support of the rebels in Ferguson: protective vests, helmets, and night vision devices, and light infantry weapons?

Many MPs in the government coalition feel this does not go far enough. Given that the police and National Guard are geared up with weapons of war like an army, several CDU MPs are calling for supplying the rebels with heavier munitions. “We are currently discussing the proposals,” an unnamed deputy is quoted. “We cannot rule out that the weapons may end up falling into the wrong hands.”

In view of these events in the US, Defence Minister Ursula von der Leyen will not rule out the use of Bundeswehr soldiers. However, out of sensitivity and respect for the local activists “only colored members of the Bundeswehr would participate in such a mission.”

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