May 2nd, 2017 – Fort Russ News –
The most informed and unbiased media in the world, Daily Mail, has shocked its audience with a grim revelation, after which no housewife on both coasts of the USA will be able to peacefully go to sleep. It turns out that when going to bed, digesting the evening’s hotdogs, the American housewife is frightened that somewhere, at a depth of several kilometers in the coastal zone of the United States, Russian President Vladimir Putin is frantically burying nuclear mines into American sludge, taking care not to mix up the wires. And I’m not joking, my friends, in fact quoting an article in the Daily Mail.
This article was reported in conjunction with the main expert on Putin and his nuclear mines, a Colonel of the Russian army, a retired former speaker of the Ministry of Defense, Victor Baranez. Baranez had kept secret information on underwater expeditions by Putin to US shores for many years, then having snuck through a hole in the Iron Curtain, he found himself in a world of goodness and justice.
Baranez has said that all along the coast of the US, Putin established “dormant” nuclear mines, which in the case of explosion will cause a giant tsunami. This will wash away the entire coastal America. In addition, Putin has developed special missiles that fly along the trajectories that US computers can not detect and predict.
At the end of the interview Baranez – mortally afraid of something, he admitted that he “said too much” and that he “should hold his tongue.”
What can we say about this? Firstly, I applaud the physical shape of Vladimir Putin, who overnight manages to put half a dozen nuclear mines off the coast of the US, and in the morning, goes to work alert and fresh. Secondly, in contrast to American housewives with half-digested hot dogs, I can now sleep soundly, knowing that somewhere out there, far away, in the American shores our valiant mines inexorably penetrate US coasts, sparked with the patriotic white, blue and red wires.
Just in case you thought it was nonsense – here’s a link to that same article, which at the time of writing this post, had almost 1000 comments by frightened the British and American citizens.