Yulia , Ksenia and the the MPs in the race for a selfie with Donald. And Petro dances in Vienna [Satire]


February 9, 2018 – Fort Russ News –

– Political satirist Alexander Zubchenko, in an exclusive blog for Vesti.ukr, translated by Tom Winter –

“Of course, this is Moscow’s hand.” (The back of it!) Tymoshenko’s visit to the United States is all the more dangerous for Poroshenko

The work of the parliament of the country at war is paralyzed, as they all flew to the prayer breakfast with Trump. 

Well, not all, of course. Perhaps 50 MPs. Maybe more. And at home, speaker Parubiy even stopped appealing to the conscience of the voting buttons, inviting them to glance into the session hall now and again to vote on important bills concerning reforms and national security. In vain.

“BREAKFEST” [mash-up of “breakfast” with “festival” – tr] with Donald is in great demand. No one supposes that there is really any “prayer” in the “prayer breakfast,” but a selfie with a US president is worth a lot. It’s like getting inducted into the “leaders of the nation.” Yulia Vladimirovna, the Gas Princess herself, managed the best job. We had faith in her. Avoid her? Trump had no chance.

And the ball is joyless. How Tymoshenko frightened Poroshenko with bacon

Is that the main thing? Show off your strength of will making your way closer to the leader of the Western world? Do you think it was easy to get a seat in the front row, practically next to Donald’s pants? When thousands were thirsting for the chance! 

Including Ksusha Sobchak. 

But Julia showed real fighting qualities, and now on all the photos she can see her unique braid directly opposite the American eagle, which covers the facade of Trump in the form of a rostrum.

I’m sure she had to endure a real battle for the spot. But it was worth it, because the fact of visual contact with the US president is confirmed. Moreover, the net has a photo of Donald and Tymoshenko, so cute, chatting with each other in some crowded place.

“Porkybots” — those politologs oriented to the aristocratic dancer Poroshenko — will assure us: “photomontage, photoshop, and poor quality at that. There is no official confirmation!” But this is not required. 

Who did Petro meet in Davos? Obviously not with Donald, who swept past him for the leader of Rwanda.

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Any touching the US president, even staying in one conventional hectare with him, is a cherished dream of the Ukrainian establishment. A kind of dedication to the “world elite,” obtaining induction to the board. Is it possible, for example, to brutally plant a man who had breakfast with the American president? Of course not. 

Therefore breakfast with prayer and Trump is like an indulgence [from the Pope]. Of course, Gasprincess outscored everyone in this matter. We will ever be hearing Yulia Vladimirovna’s memories of unforgettable seconds spent together with Donald. She will not be silent when she gets home. Trump practically looked at her piercingly, smiled wisely and said: “Go and be right!” Go on, prove it didn’t happen…

Without US support. How Poroshenko will make Ukrainians vote for him

Other Ukrainian guests were simply lost in this breakfest. There was, in fact not a sign or sight of the characteristic outline of Senya Yatsenyuk, in particular. He did not make it. In fact, this is tantamount to the end of a political career. Here is the case: either manage it, or you silently warm your bins in the corner. Must be able to! 

Gasprincess did well, everything was right. Can you imagine how upset the supreme commander-in-chief was? He also went to the Vienna Ball as a personal guest of the President of Austria, whom few know in Ukraine. The mood of the commander-in-chief was spoiled right at the entrance to the Vienna opera. Some feminist showed her breasts to Peter Alekseevich. He has so many problems that there was literally no time to stare at extraneous bust. Yes, even magic-markered with obscene vocabulary, addressed personally to him. It is clear that this is the hand of Moscow. More precisely, the back of the hand.

Nevertheless, everything went very well. Many danced, the titular couple on the president looked ironed, which is almost unreal. An excellent photo session was made with the family of their president. Everyone looks like real Aryans. Yes, it was not with Donald that Peter Alekseevich happened to get pictures.

 But it turned out that “Austria is Ukraine’s key partner in the European Union.” Therefore, the main vector of strategic partnership has shifted sharply to Vienna. And no vocal feminists can prevent the rapprochement of our, as it turned out, practically fraternal peoples.

It became known how much Ukrainians pay for Poroshenko’s trips

While Gasprincess fought for Trump position, Peter Alekseevich almost shone among the aristocratic elite of the European Union, gallantly shuffled his legs and treated himself to the light bubbling champagne. Surely he had a lot of important, but informal contacts, which soon will bring on abundant economic sprouts. Otherwise it cannot be. 

The only negative – the Austrian president somehow uncertainly told about the strengthening of EU sanctions against Russia. He seemed to be for it, but he constantly stressed – “we did not introduce them, they just happened to fall into line.” Pet puppies, in their European aristocratic muzzle. But at least Selfie managed to do the right thing, and that’s bread.

So, we see that the Ukrainian elite is actively mastering the main world rave sites. The opposition in the person of Tymoshenko besieges Washington, and the supreme commander-in-chief very — let’s say, exquisitely and aristocratically — spends his time at the Vienna Opera. 

Still, no worry, the country remained under the reliable supervision of Groisman. The prime minister won’t let us down, the “panorama of images” is too strong: Here in camouflage, there in a beret, then in tuxedo. 

With the dancing in ballrooms, yet the nation still does not go smoothly. Basically it’s a mix of night clubs and discos. Plus hybrid aggression of the Russian Federation. Apparently, we are winning for sure, because only strong and self-assured commanders can vacation in the Maldives, and then dance dashingly at the ball.

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