A parody – transcribed by Gregory Sinaisky
The main character Colonel Chepiga is “highly likely”, (as our British
partners, known for their sense of humor, like to say) a GRU officer,
who is known for “highly likely” having smeared the door of former spy
Skripal living in the English city of Salisbury with Novichok. Chepiga
“highly likely” to have acted under the name of Boshirov, “highly
likely” together with Dr. Mishkin. Along the way, in London, it is
again “highly likely” according to our British friends that they hired
one prostitute for the two of them. Chepiga and Mishkin are no less
“highly likely” to be gay and hired the prostitute to disorient the
– I wish you good health, Comrade General, I have arrived at your
– Sit down, Colonel Chepiga. There is a new task for you.
– Comrade General, I am ready to fulfill any task for the good of our
– Fly to Tomsk. Navalny must be poisoned there. Here is the bottle of
– Comrade General, I have a proposal. This Novichok didn’t work last
time, we just embarrassed ourselves. Let me, following the example of
our Saudi colleagues, take a bone saw and everything will be alright,
nothing will be found.
– No, Chepiga, there is an instruction from the highest level to use
Novichok, you know, from the highest level.
– But Comrade General, what if it doesn’t work again?
– Do you understand, Chepiga, what a *brand* is? How many recognizable
brands does America have? Apple, Coca-Cola, Nike, Facebook. And what do
we have? We have nothing but vodka. Comrade Putin has instructed us to
promote Novichok as a new brand. So that Russia will be known for both
vodka *and* Novichok. We must learn to think in a new way. The winner
in modern world will be the one with the most brands. Here is your
ticket to Tomsk. You will have one free day. The girls there are
excellent and much cheaper than in London, so you won’t have to share
with Mishkin, unless you really want to. Well, don’t blush, we are all
human. Or are you gay? Do not be offended, I was joking. I’m a little
curious, I confess. Well… I wish you success, Colonel.
Author Gregory Sinaisky lives in Zurich and writes among other subjects
about disinformation in media, military affairs, social and scientific
topics. Gregory has Ph.D. in Computer Science and CPL/IR/FI Pilot