By Gregory Sinaisky – Russian ballet is world-famous for its precision and elegance. If we are to believe Western governments and media, the recent poisonings attributed to the GRU show that it is now challenging the Russian ballet in terms of precision and daring art.
Any secret service can poison a man to death, even the CIA is capable of this. But to select and deliver the poison dose that carries its victim to the brink of death, and yet will not kill him, is a supreme art.
How is it possible, after all, to know in advance whether the victim will take one sip, or consume the whole bottle? How do they calibrate their poison to account for the manner in which the victim grips a door knob, with two fingers or with the whole palm? Well, okay, one might get lucky once. But the GRU brings it off reliably time and time again – both Skripals, Navalny, Verzilov.
Above all, the Sergei and Yulia Skripal poisoning incident stands apart for its perfection. According to British authorities, GRU agents smeared the door knob on Skripal’s house with Novichok. Despite being of different age, weight and sex, Sergei and Yulia, after approximately five hours of walking, shopping and dining, exited a restaurant and, like a pair of dying swans in a melange of Swan Lake and Giselle, with perfect precision succumbed to their individual doses of poison at the same moment, and at the feet of… no, you won’t believe me.
This is really where the divine art of the GRU dazzles us. At the end of their elaborate dance, the Skripals collapsed at the feet of no one else but Colonel Alison McCourt, Chief Nursing Office of the British Army dancing the role of the good fairy. Mere coincidence is impossible. There is no doubt that the GRU’s fiendish plot included some trickery that brought Colonel McCourt onto the scene, timed to appear at just this exact moment. No effort was spared to make the scene perfect!
This also proves beyond any doubt that the GRU did it all on the orders of Putin. Could fish-and-chips eating, Mr. Bean-watching MI6 agents pull off such a trick on the orders of the dishevelled Theresa May? No way!
Exuberant and prolonged applause comrades! Bravo! Bis! Only Russians can be so sophisticated.